Faith Story by Shiao Yong
I had depression during my college time, the trigger was a change in environment. Being away from home to a new place, the learning curve was extremely steep. At least it was for me. I lost interest in music, food… basically the things that I used to love. I ignored all these signals until I began to have suicidal thoughts, e.g I’d feel happy to get hit by a car, I’d hear voices to tell me to jump off the building. At that time, I was already a Christian.
I prayed desperately, “God, help me, I don’t want to die.” A name popped into my mind, and I contacted her. We met, and that was my turning point – I decided to go back to my hometown and look for a psychiatrist. I was on medication for two years. Deep down in my heart, however, I knew I could not rely on medication for the rest of my life. It took me another two years to go completely without anti-depressants. I lived normally after that; as though nothing had ever happened. I didn’t want to talk about it because I didn’t want to be seen as a “weak person”. It was just like a zipper bag – I “zipped up” the problem. I never really wanted to hand it over to God.
My healing moment came when I met up with my high school friends. We caught up with each other, and sharing our own college moments because we graduated from all three different places. To my surprise, I found that all three of us went through some level of depression during that time. That time was also my first time sharing about what God had done in my life. I was shivering as I shared. I wanted to cry, but deep down in my heart, even as I shared, I knew, “I am healed”. Finally in my heart, I told God, “Lord, I give You my zipper bag. I am ready to move on.” Thank You Lord for saving my life.
For people that are now battling this battle of mind, God is with you, He hears your cry, He is there to help you. Sometimes we think we have to be the one that holds tight to God, but the reverse is also true, He is holding us tight too. Don’t give up on God!