Faith Story by Ricka Johan
Growing up I experienced a lot of rejection from a young age. I didn’t have the normal home environment that most children around me had and for a long time, I believed I was inadequate or not enough. Rejection and anxiety shaped much of my mentality. I fought it in my own strength by reacting in pride, escapism, and over-compensating. As a young adult, I mixed with the wrong crowd. That worldly lifestyle brought even more tears, suffering and regret.
In hindsight, I was lacking love and did not know my identity in Christ.
People who suffer from rejection and anxiety issues can be inclined to being pushovers, people pleasers and succumb to pressures around them. This was a toxic cycle, and what made it even more toxic for me was that I carried unforgiveness and bitterness which wrecked my physical health, leading me to lose my first pregnancy. I tried to overcome my trauma and rejection by burying myself into fitness, studying, following secular forms of healing. But without God, everything proved useless and pointless.
Thankfully, I had some Christian friends who were praying for me, and my parents shared Jesus to me, so I slowly started to take God more seriously.
During the covid lockdown, I tuned in to an Indonesian Pastor Philip Montofa on YouTube who encouraged his listeners to make quality time with the Lord, so I challenged myself to start reading the bible and try to connect with God. Night after night, when everyone in the house was asleep, I began reading the bible, and the words started penetrating my heart and I remember how God’s word started to become alive in me. I was moved to evangelise to my prebelieving housemates and started attending online cell group with the Cornerstone Miri Church. God was working in my life even though I didn’t know it. He even sent people to direct me to Skyline once I relocated to Kota Kinabalu.
My first encounter with the Holy Spirit happened when everyone at the Tribal Gathering Jubilee were prophesying over dry bones, just like in Ezekiel 37. Deep inside I knew I was like the dry, dead, and hopeless bones.
BUT OUR GOD IS FAITHFUL AND MIGHTY;
Verse 14 says, ‘I will put My Spirit in you and you will live’
True to verse 14, I received the Holy Spirit to pray in tongues during worship. In that moment; the Holy Spirit pulled me out of my grave, sanctifying me into a new creation in Christ. I remember telling God “I have nothing to offer you but HERE I AM LORD, USE ME!”
My life changed for the better as I decided to Stand with Jesus. The Holy Spirit gave me the supernatural desire to keep seeking and abiding in God. Things that used to be my entertainment, such as drinking and worldly music or shows, lost its appeal to me. I couldn’t stand them anymore.
I went from being a lukewarm Christian to reading the bible for hours every day, THEN I learnt to fast and pray, and joined a Discipleship course (with the Remnant Revival Outreach Center). The Holy Spirit gave me zeal for the Lord – I wanted everything about me to be unto God! He restored me and gave me life everlasting with Him. I tasted how good the Lord is, and nothing else was going to satisfy.
When I read in the Bible that YAHWEH hated idols and He commanded not to bow down to any statue or false god, I stood erected when everyone was bowing down and serving the dead at a pagan funeral. I stood firm and went against the crowd’s wishes, because the Bible says Yahweh promises He will lavish my future generations with His unfailing love to those who love Him and obey His commandments. That’s a done deal!
Suddenly, I could stand firm in my faith without caring about rejection or people pleasing like in the past. God gave me the boldness not to back down to the pressures of worshipping idols. The Father’s love mattered most to me. I’ve been bought by the blood of CHRIST, and I belong to Jesus.
When I read in the Bible that Yahweh was so pleased with the Recabites for wholeheartedly obeying Him not to drink alcohol, despite the prophet Jeremiah Testing them to drink alcohol in God’s temple. The Recabites chose to obey only God, and refused the alcohol, so God blessed them with the promise “You will always have descendants that serve God’. I held on to God’s promises – I read it like it was meant for me. When I passed my own test like the Recabites, I had a very strong encounter with the Holy Spirit, revealing that the Holy Spirit can give you a super high without alcohol or substances.
Then I learnt if you build an altar unto the Lord, you allow His power over your life and over the people around you. Say no more! I WENT all in. And every single time I obeyed God, His presence fell upon me. God is so GOOD!
In conclusion
- Pursuing an intimate relationship with God delivered me from my strongholds and fears of rejection. God replaced my fear of rejection, with the FEAR of GOD! Hallelujah!
- Submitting to the power of God’s word every day directed me in the path I should go.
- Forgiving everyone that has ever hurt or harmed me and loving others the way God wants us to love restored me (this included forgiving myself)
- Ultimately, obeying and submitting to God was KEY to my deliverance, and there is joy and freedom in Christ that nothing in this world can compare to. Who the Son sets free, is free indeed! (John 8:36)
- Today, I am planted in the Skyline Family, serving in the Hospitality and Thursday Womens’ Prayer Ministries.
- Earlier this year, I had the chance to rededicate myself to Jesus and got water baptised.
- I am also now a student of Biblical Counseling.
- When the enemy tries to condemn you. Remember; it’s already been done. Jesus has won! His victory is our victory. The enemy has already been defeated, and Jesus is with us and for us.
- Where sin abounds, GRACE abounds even more. (Rom 5:20)
- Our sanctification process is on-going and requires us to die to ourselves everyday (whatever that may look like to as individuals), and to behold Christ, first. Aren’t we so thankful we have a great, faithful, and loving heavenly Father!